excelsis: disney's aurora holding her hands happily ((misc) my umbrella ella ella eh eh)
[personal profile] excelsis
usagi/mamoru ☾ don't take what you don't need from me

you said you'd never seen the end of the word before and you were nervous.
i held your hand. and said: it's just the world. there'll be another one along in a minute.

summary: season one. the guardians and senshi know usagi can't stop crying after the events of tokyo tower, but they misunderstand why. usagi knows her decision isn't really one at all.





She was crying at night, they thought, because he was her tragic, thousand year love, and he was gone.

She was crying because this is star crossed, twice, but if he were still here, if he hadn't been taken, when the freaky-her had gone away she'd have pleaded with him.

This isn't me, she'd have said, The truth is, you have the wrong girl. So... so I don't see why I should love you. I'm fourteen years old. I don't know how I'll want my eggs tomorrow morning when my momma asks me. I'm not a princess. You have the wrong girl.

She'd have said that and ran, leaving the crystal with him, because this had never been fun, but now it was war, and she couldn’t stand him looking at her hoping she'd find the switch, become the goddess girl. She'd have screamed for everyone to stop looking at her, just a girl. She remembered everything, saw everything, and felt everything, without understanding any of it.

She was crying because she remembered dying, and she wasn't sure she could do it again.

She was crying because he was gone and she was in love but she was freaking out. She was crying because he'd died for her, twice, but she wasn't sure she could do the same this time and it made her sick with guilt.

She was crying because she closed her eyes and still saw him, sweaty, glassy-eyed and deliriously happy; pallid lips shakily formed That Name as if he were already saved. She tossed and turned hearing his horrible story, his lips might as well be next to her ear: his happy ending was a girl in his dreams became his reason for living. She curled her sore body into a tight ball under her sheets but still felt him in her arms, warm but so, so still and the Dark Kingdom still took him away.

She was crying because she was lost, skittish just looking in the mirror - but she knew she wasn't going to be running away. She didn't understand a lot of big, important, things, but she understood that boy - not That Man - needed her. He needed someone to save him.

She rubbed her eyes, and opened up the locket. Her eyes filled again quickly and she snapped it shut. She hid her burning face in her knees, the golden star gripped tight.

Yeah. Everything else aside, she was the girl for that.



BUFFY SUMMERS: Giles, I'm sixteen years old. I don't want to die.
Buffy the Vampire Slayer, 1.12: Prophesy Girl

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